When I joined the yog ashram in Bhilai for my sciatica problem, I really liked occasional practices of dhyan which were conducted by Swami Devshankaranand Ji at that time. I used to derive a lot of mental peace and satisfaction after the practices of yog nidra or antarmouna. But nothing like this I had ever imagined! As a child becomes impatient and greedy after tasting a delicious pudding, I became greedy. Greedy for that vision! Day and night my mind would be tormented by that experience. The worst part of it was that it was far beyond my control. The harder I tried to visualize it, the more desperate I became! Under the able guidance of Swami Ji, I gradually came to terms with the A, B, C, and D of spirituality. As an expert teacher and a master of this line, he gently told me, “not to get impatient because it is not going to give any result.” He said, “Only practice is in your hands, leave the rest to God.” Though I did not say anything to him but internally I was not at all convinced by his advice. I did not have any other alternative except to believe him and try to obey him. As he was very much enthusiastic about my awakening, he encouraged, cajoled and guided me with a zeal which surprised me at that time. With his internal powers he could assess my state easily. He was too happy to guide me to advance on this sure short path of bliss and happiness.
One more thing that I discovered in myself was that enchanted by this experience, which could render such deep happiness even in a fraction of second; I tried hard to persuade all my friends by telling them about my own experience. Since Swami Ji strictly told me not to discuss my experiences with any one. He said, “People will declare you mad and laugh at your cost.” I obeyed him and restrained from discussing my own experiences. I tried my level best to persuade them to do ‘Om chanting’ or Pranayama at home. I used to go to their homes, tried to make them practice, what I was practicing. Only one or two of them paid little attention to me. Since my zeal must have been infectious, they thought it as a passing fancy and considered me an over enthusiastic.
One more experience I would like to quote here is when my friend’s mother in law suffered from cancer, she was in great pain and misery. I used to be deeply moved by her plight. So with the guidance of Swami Ji, I used to go to their house at 11a.m. after finishing my household chores and classes in summer with an umbrella. I used to make her practice ‘yog nidra’ (which she liked very much) along with breath awareness on Ram as she was a devotee of Ram. To my dismay some other people who came to know about it; tried to dissuade me, “oh God we are scared lest you should renounce home and become a sanyasin.” I used to get disturbed thinking that if I was treading the wrong path. But Swami Ji never let me falter by his assurances. He would laugh loudly and say, “You are on the right path and that is the only path which can lead to happiness.”
Now I look back realize, had it not been for his guidance, I would have been swayed by foolish remarks of worldly people. Then came the big bane of ‘Ahamkar’ in light. I used to be very proud pf this achievement which I thought others were unable to achieve. But Swami Ji would say, “oh ji, you have not achieved any thing till now.” This remark used to dampen my ego for some time but it persisted. And the best part (which I realize now) was that I was fully aware of it. How naive had I been! And God! So smart He is! By showing me little glimpses, He captured my very being for His work!
The more I become aware of this, the realization dawns on me, how little I understand Him! I am too ignorant, naïve to know His ways. E.g. an ant can take only a little from a sugar candy and thinks that she has known the whole; His ways are known only to Him! No one can know Him without His grace. He is a master manipulator! He is almighty! Every thing in this world is done by Him. He is the Doer.
I feel deeply blessed as He has chosen me to become His instrument.